That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
