obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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