he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
