Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize