Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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