Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
