Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
