Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
