I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize