Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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