Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
