I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
