My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
