the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
