woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
