I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
