my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
