May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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