I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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