and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize