Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
