Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
