I got chris browned last night
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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