I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
