I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
His nipple licking is glorious
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