remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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