Umm I'm too high to move.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
