if you like me you must not know who I am
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize