He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
