one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
