he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize