He uses pillows to masturbate.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
