yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
