You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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