actually, I'm a sock model
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
