You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
