I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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