saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
