i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
