he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
