absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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