i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
