So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
