Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
