You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize