highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
