I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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