This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
