you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
