She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
