I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
