is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize