I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
