Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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