How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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