please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
