Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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