he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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