If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This house was built for laser tag.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
