You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize