I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
