I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
