the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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