she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
do herpes really smell.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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