Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
