we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
