my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
