I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
