I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
