Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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