Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
