Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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