I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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