I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
