your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
